How To Conquer Shyness

It is said that the most frequently stated fear amongst a lot of people is public speaking.

Shyness, and his close pals
Lack Of Confidence
Lack Of Self Esteem
Social Awkwardness

affects more people than like to admit it. But why are we so shy? What is it about simply expressing ourselves to our fellow human beings that gets us so uptight?

What is this irrational fear of judgement that we all carry around with us to different degrees?

Why should we even have to conquer shyness in the first place?

Perhaps we will explore the why of shy in another post, however, the good news is there are several techniques available to conquer shyness and nerves when meeting with new people or when you find yourself in new situations.

Quite a few are mentioned in my book and dealt with as easy to do exercises, but for here and now to avoid fumbling or drying up in social situations here are some quick tips:

• As a start to conquering shyness always keep up to date with things going on in your community, or in your area of expertise or interest, or in the world, so you have plenty of subjects to talk about.
• Read papers, blogs and magazines for the same reason.
• Stop and say more than a quick ‘hi’ to the neighbours. Often, lonely or shy people start by gradually isolating themselves from the world and then wonder why they have nothing in common with anyone and cannot share the latest ‘in’ jokes.
• Go out on a limb and join a class doing anything: a new language, pottery, acting, dog training, dance class… The beauty is that on Day One everyone starts on the same page i.e this is the bit where everyone has to get to know each other. Be generous about asking other people about themselves as well as giving up information about yourself. When you ask a question actually LISTEN to the answer so you can follow up with a who? what? where? oh really? how come? or why? response.

Here’s A Good Tip!

Remember, most people LOVE talking about themselves so you only have to ask a few questions…and they’re off! Right away you will have made a new nodding acquaintance, if not eventually a true friend.

Do this enough, your social network will expand, your self confidence will grow and your shyness will be mastered and conquered. And remember, like anything new IT TAKES PRACTICE! There are also many sites dedicated to help folks gather and expand their social contact in their local area without any pressure such as meetup.com and meetin.org.
Also, get used to smiling. Seriously, get your face used to it! It is noticeable that folks who are shy forget how to smile confidently, easily and naturally.

To conquer shyness you must take the attention off yourself! Put it onto the person you wish to or are currently talking to. When you focus on yourself you will find yourself focusing on all your perceived faults or the worst case scenario all the time. Psssst! (Whisper) Ya know what I used to do? I used to have about 5-10 set questions that would get me through any awkward silences. I would write some key words on my hands and keep a note of the rest in my pocket or shoe. I had to do this as my job forced me out there to go to party after party, event after event, so I absolutely had to get to grips with the shy thing.

I had ‘spare’ questions like:

• ‘So who do you know here?’
• ‘Do you like this kind of music?’
• ‘So how about those Nicks??!!’ (Or insert the latest scandal or news).
• ‘Is someone sitting here?’
• ‘Are you having a good time?’
• ‘Isnt this a beautiful house/venue?’
  

You know? Just a bunch of questions to oil a sticky silence or get a conversation going.

Here’s A Good Tip!

Always have a follow up question(s) or statement(s)! I once asked a rather famous person where they bought their top and they gave me a one word answer followed by…silence. A parched desert wind came whistling in between us and blew tumbleweed across the venue…as a dry, lonesome cough echoed lonely in the distance…

I then had to work out how to slink away not looking quite as stupid and dry-mouthed as I felt...you know, tum ti tum ti tum…oh, is that rain again?


Another lot of phrases you will probably need therefore are your escape phrases for when the conversation lulls or the person you are standing with is a crushing bore or a monosyllabic dullard!

• ‘I’ll see you in a minute, I’m going to get another drink…’
• ‘I’ll see you in a minute, I see my friend over there…’
• ‘I’ll see you in a minute, I’ve got to go and make a call…’
• ‘I’ll be back in a minute…’

Of course the ‘I’ll see you in a minute,’ bit is just to soften the departure – for both of you! But can you see what I’m doing here? The most important thing is preparation. When something doesn’t come easy for you you have to go that extra mile until it becomes natural and smooth. To get rid of shyness you will be playing a role or acting a part up until you no longer have to act. This is exactly what I had to do when, (again as part of my job), I was introduced to some of the biggest names in showbiz on a regular basis and at the very beginning Coachie was INCREDIBLY shy. What would YOU say to Michael Jackson??!! Or Madonna??

In my job I had to conquer shyness quickly and be able to communicate with world class superstars and also strike up easy conversation with people who were nervous in my own presence! My meetings with the Michael Jackson’s of this world were probably just as awkward for them as it was for me with lots of embarrassed smiley nodding and not-quite-in-synch attempts at handshaking and clumsy 2-cheek European kisses, but the shyness simply had to go as I had a job to do which would entail my meeting many other stars, presidential types and people from all walks of life on a regular basis. On these posts you are learning the same techniques that I used to change things speedily.

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